New Technology Required

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)

After an impressively chaotic start to his presidency, the approval rating of the United States President has shrunk to a point where it is no longer detectable by the technology currently available, a leading pollster said yesterday.

Davis Logsdon, who heads the highly regarded Opinion Research Institute at the University of Minnesota, said that his polling unit has developed highly sensitive measurement technology in the last two weeks to gauge the President’s popularity as it fell into the single digits, but added that “as of this week, the President’s approval rating is basically flatlining”.

“At the end of last week, you could still see a slight flicker of approval for the President,” he said. “Then — bam! — the lights went out.”

Logsdon said, however, that people should resist drawing the conclusion that the President’s approval rating now stands at zero. “He may have support in the range of .0001 per cent or, say, .0000001 per cent,” he said. “Our equipment just isn’t advanced enough to measure it.”

Logsdon said that the swift descent of the President’s approval rating below detectable levels has surprised experts in the polling profession. “In 2008, when George W Bush was president, I wondered, What could a president possibly do to become less popular than this?” the pollster said. “Now we know.”

Adapted from Andy Borowitz @ The New Yorker

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